my fairy wonderland

iday, 24 July 2009 at 05:27
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At first, I was infatuated…curious to know just who you are.
You made me feel something different.
I dunno, something with a grandeuos inner spark.

All I know is that I was happy, jovial and complete.
The mystery still strong, overwhelmed- a super ‘undefeat’.

Then inevitably, I became aware.
The sharks, focused by the informal light scurrying away with bits of my plight.

The innocence out the door.
I stumbled on the blunt truth.

I felt it like the wrath of a snake- taking my air.
Sucking my life.

Pulling me bare.

Broken, I chose to chill on the floor.
Covering the hurt.
Not taking the pain anymore.

Not aware of the scars.
I lie to myself- but now- now, its free.
I cant lie to myself nor the ones who truly know me.

This tainted image
I do not understand.

The confusion.
The devil from this man.

Wheres the boy inside that tangent meat.
All I hear is a wolf between every silken sheet.

I crave the idea I once had.
The glitter, the noise.
The sound, the boy.

Unsattisfying desire.
Reckless case- undressed.
unretire.

I crave your attention- nothings too bad.
I get the feeling all of this makes me seem very sad.

I didn’t expect this of myself.

Im sure neither did you
but then again,
you ended it coz it was very clear to you.

The hurt, it killed my mind.
Lost in deception.
Poison soul.
Poisoned heart.
Poisoned then contoured, grinded and shredded fine.

My poise began to flare.
Out of heart ache.
Afraid to emerge...
Never.
It won’t dare.

My mystery had a story. A story I did not write.
The lies became my person.
Devilishly waiting to errupt and take flight.

I lost my hope, my mind, my glory.
I recovered but fall everytime I see you.
My heart in a dark corner waiting to bypass.
My soul out of its frame looking through a vulnerable crystal looking glass.

I cant understand.
Me. I don’t do this!

I can’t piece together.
Its all just a miss.

I don’t know why.
Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.

This is all just madness!

Submerged. I feel? I live? I ache?
...I mourn?

A cure indeed: I see you out with your whores.
Grin*
They'll never be me.

The image captured by my honest eyes,
feels like an illusion- eventhough, the facts are there to find.

I feel the guilt of entering all this nonsense
Why did you mess with my mind?

Was it all just nothing?
Or was there a pint?
I feel stupid and damaged feeling as if i was just the stint.

What can I do to make this feel better?
I was a pawn in all of your play.
A ‘get away free’ card.
Another one.
Just a ‘heyday’.

How do I surpass all of this?
How do I make you see just the gist.
How can I make this all go away?
Dissappear and save the world, live life oblivious, cut you out, pass time, live day-to-day.
Seaze to exist?

Some one save me.
Or is it essential, I save myself?
Why did you choose me?

I am officially hopeless.
Not in the sense of the Hilton heiress...
oh dear no!
conflicted with the guilt of a murdering horrendous.

I feel the urge to hear your voice.
My favourite sound...
Your comfort- why isn’t it my choice!

You toss me to the dirt.
Blood pouring. Emotionally scared.
Terribly hurt.

Whats going on with me!!!!!

Agh nee!!!

better yet, whats going on with you?!
I am ME!
you are you

I am the one whom people adore.
The same girl, mothers look forward for.
I am the seductress, the saint, the pure.

The wonderwomen who fights.
The tiger in heels.
The kitty with the claws.

Make no mistake, I am battered and bruised.
But give me time.
I am never defused.

I, like anyone else, have an ego, brusque and raw
The desire to fight, lash, whip...but ultimately to be adored

I am the smartie you allowed to flaw.
The one who got away.
The ‘what if’ knocking at your minds door.

I believe its coz you are afraid.
You coward. You made me go away.
And?

Where will that get you?

Im a humanitarian, i still care...
most probably always will
behind closed doors

I am human. A women. A nurturer.

But dont be mislead.
I am not your friend.

I will forgive
but how could i forget...?

My all round characteristics showed much too much potential.
It filtered your life and drew your affection.

You gave me too much and thus it scared you.
With all my sassiness and splendor
I would nNEVER have rejected you

A million men aimed at you
I would have taken them down.
Like falling leaves they would fall and hit the ground.

I feel sorry for those who stand up against me.
I warn you
I am no, pretty little small league.
I am the mean
your worse enemy.

I am strong, no age can whither.
I am crazy but a functional quiver.

Best you keep lock down and stay out of my way.
I will hunt you down- and you will never forget that day.

So please, don’t fuck with my emotion
And give it a rest
I have reached consumtion capacity
it is for the best

Leave me to squander.
Let it rest in peace.
Let my unobservable scars heal
while they are inevident
protected
from all to mock and see.

Lets build a bridge with a fireless base.
No sexual cavities. No tension. No haste.
Can you do that?

Give me the deserved intospection.
Allow me the space for an intervention.

Theres no point giving me no-face.
I will capture your eye, in most ways, in every place.

hit me that tightly secured forbidden word.
Id much rather move forward wounded
than tortured by an unseen pierced silver sword.

I am ready to let go, and fully this time, I promise.
Theres no need to cry or throw a tantrum.

Im over it.
our chance is up.
Watch this space.

Im on the prowl
In no fashoined haste

Look at the stars, my heart is as bright.
With mercy at my feet and honour in my fight.

I will surely never forget you.
Nor will I hold on.
For now I see, the likeness is gone.

I carry the story, eventhough you wanna forget.
I am able to move on without hesitant.
Absolute no regret.

But I am finished now.

This is my ultimate choice.

So you can trod me down and wind me up.
It has no meaning.
Youre just a voice.

I need not take your shit.
Give it to someone who gives a damb-

heres the poem of the little misfit in her fairy wonderland.

What...